Dear God,
What I long for are heart to heart connections, physical touch that feels comfortable and safe. I yearn for gentle words, gentle smells, gentle sounds of nature, overall gentleness. I crave for the softness of true love and acceptance, for the magic of attraction instead of the harshness of force.
I realize I have learned to try to force atmospheres of love, in my home and the world, with demands, conditions and a lot of words. Now I see that true love is something that is attracted by gentle actions, by refusing to enter dynamics of battle, by surrendering, by the softness of self-care and by silence and lesser words.
I often lack the strength and calmness to not enter the battlefield, the voices in my head still whisper that the big price to win is love and intimacy. These voices lure me into believing that at the other side of the roaring dragon is the promised land of true belonging and safety. Now I see I have the choice to walk away from the dragons, to look them in the eye, turn around and see that the promised land was behind me all along, just patiently waiting for me to enter. It’s the place where I don’t have to bother myself with roaring dragons, it’s the place of silence and calmness within me and a deep knowing that there is no reason for me to fight.
I can't seem to enter this place alone, I desperately need your help. I feel like I am bolted to the ground, exhausted, terrified and alone, not able to take another step. I don't want to fight anymore, but I also can't seem to walk away in peace. Dear God, please pick me up and carry me into your promised land. I am tired of feeling stuck in the dusty and grey landscape of no man's land. I want to go and pick beautiful flowers, enjoy the sun caressing my face, let myself fall into the softness of grass and feel like being wrapped in a blanket of your eternal love. I shudder with panic from the feeling that this might not be possible for me, please give me a miracle and allow me to experience deep love and purpose.
Thank you.
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